Synopsis:
This book comprises of essays written by women and driven by the words society uses to describe them – whether they are seemingly positive – like “nurturing,” lucky,” or “effortless,” or more overtly negative like, “ugly,” “shrill,” or “fat.” The essays range from memoirs to cultural commentaries.
Disclosure:
I received an Advance Reader copy of this book from Net Galley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review. They give me no money, nor do they in any way influence my thoughts – those are 100% my own for better or worse.
Edition:
Kindle e-book
My Thoughts:
I enjoyed this book for its diverse voices. They all fit together very well, despite being written by vastly different people covering different subjects. However, as much as I enjoyed reading the essays, I didn’t love the book itself. I wish that there had been a slightly more robust wraparound instead of a relatively short preface and ending on a list of words you really shouldn’t call women (which was clever, I admit, but I don’t think it really served in any way to end the book).
With that being said, there were a few essays in particular that I found stood out among the others:
Effortless by Amy S. Choi
Effortless is about the amount of effort that is required for a woman to appear effortless in our society – and isn’t effortless the ultimate compliment? You have perfect skin, a perfect figure, you always look so put together – you’re perfect and you don’t even have to do anything! It must be genetics.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
It isn’t. It’s monthly facials, a personal trainer, teams of stylists, a 20 step extremely expensive skincare regiment, it’s fasting/constant dieting, it’s a $200 hair appointment every 2-4 weeks, you haven’t had a carb in 5 years AND YOU FUCKING HATE YOUR LIFE. But it looks like you have it all without even trying, so…it’s also respect, approval, and even envy so it’s totally worth it!
“Existing in a body as a woman in this world is work.”
Why do we expect women to be perfect? Why do we judge them so harshly when they fail to live up to our expectations of perfection?
This whole piece made me think about all of those “Celebrities without makeup” listicles you can’t spit on the internet without hitting. You know how you always see those comments at the bottom talking about how women should just stop wearing makeup because look at these women – they’re effortlessly beautiful without all that clown/whore paint, but then you find yourself looking a little closer, and WAIT! At least half of these women are wearing makeup! It’s just cleverly done to look like they aren’t. It’s “no-makeup makeup.” And the other half? Well, they still have access to skincare tools and pros the average person could never possibly afford. But, you know, why can’t you just look like them? Yeah, must be genetics.
Princess by Carina Chocano
Princesses as we know them from stories kind of suck. They spend a lot of time getting bespelled, kidnapped, or just being generally unconscious. Even in reality we don’t see much by the way of princesses having agency in those countries where monarchies rule – although perhaps Megan Markle will begin to change all that – she seems very Di-esque in her desire to be something more than a royal accessory (which is not to say that other princesses do, just that I don’t live under a monarchy, nor am I interested in celebrity gossip, therefore I know next to nothing about the goings-on of the British Royal Family – stuff’s gotta be big to catch my attention – like Prince Andrew’s Epstein-connection level).
In this wonderful essay, Chocano discusses how teaching our children to idolize princesses is maybe not such a great plan. Princesses, you see, are not exactly paragons of individuality or self-sufficiency – although maybe things like Disney’s Frozen, or Dreamworks’ She-Ra and the Princesses of Power might (hopefully) be poised to change that. Otherwise, princesses seem to live solely to play out the “dutiful daughter” role over and over again.
“The princess is the girl the patriarchy wants you to be.”
Princesses don’t get to live their own lives. They don’t get to control their own fates. They live the way princesses are supposed to live. The way that princesses always live. Because if they don’t, it’s a big fucking deal – it’s Princess Diana getting divorced and then to pile insult upon injury, taking up with someone else too quickly afterward.
Nurturing by Racquel D’Apice
There are a lot of reasons why I loved this essay. Foremost is D’Apice’s style of writing. It really spoke to me. I knew we were going to see eye to eye in the first line when she said,
“My innate response to most people telling me that women are more nurturing than men is to say to those people, “Hey, feel free to eat a bag of dicks.”
I found myself thinking, “Hey, I often wish people would feel free to eat a bag of dicks…”
Also, I HATE THAT PEOPLE ASSUME THAT ALL WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY PREPARED TO NURTURE ANYONE. Some of us just don’t have the time/energy/patience/desire for that mess.
You know what I don’t want? Kids. Never have. Probably never will. But you know what I hear ALL THE FUCKING TIME? “You’re just not ready,” or “It’s different when they’re yours.” Bags of dicks, y’all. Bags of dicks.
Having the physical capability to have children doesn’t mean you have to have them. Or that you should. Also, plenty of folks out there can’t have them for one reason or another, yet desperately want them. Those people are nurturing. Those people are the reason that IVF, surrogacy, and adoption exist. They’re wonderful people. But they’re not all people, and they’re certainly not all women. There are many men the world over who are far more nurturing than many women – and there is nothing wrong with that, and nothing strange about it.
This one is actually a double-edged sword, I think. Not only do we tend to shame women for not being nurturing enough, but we tend to shame men for being too nurturing (seriously. ugh). We actually seem to think that men being interested/invested in the raising of children is a bad thing. We’re all so, so stupid.
Rating:
As I said before I did like this book. I just wish that the wraparound had felt more cohesive – or more like a wraparound and less like a paltry intro to what is otherwise a pretty damn good bunch of writing.
If you are a woman, or have ever met one, you might find this an interesting look into the ways that we perceive our roles in society, and why we might be just a little unsatisfied with those roles. Either way, give this book a shot; you might learn something!
Pretty Bitches Edited by Lizzie Skurnick Basic Books, Seal Press Non-Fiction, Feminism ISBN: 1580059198 ISBN13: 9781580059190 Expected Publication: March 3, 2020
Great review ☺️ xx
Thanks!
Great review!
This is an interesting concept, but I can see how it would be hard to really connect with this book. Thanks for sharing!
If I’m ever asked how I felt about a book I read, I wish I could do a review like you. I wanna be like you. 🙂 I know in my brain how I felt, maybe even vocalize it, however, never write it down as well as you did. Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you for your incredibly kind comment. I think what makes writing so great though is that nobody does it in quite the same way. You write like you, and that’s perfect!
I really struggled with writing for a long time. It got way easier for me once I realized that it was okay that I didn’t sound like the writers I admired. I sound like me. And I think that’s pretty cool. 🙂