I want to love all these Megalodon movies that have come out in the last bunch of years (The Meg, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon). I really, really want to. I love shark movies, I love prehistoric creatures in the modern era movies, I love giant monster movies, so…what the hell?
And don’t worry: this isn’t going to be one of those things where I moan about these not being “smart movies” or whatever. That shit drives me crazy. Not everything needs to be “smart.” Some movies can just be about giant sharkies doing the chompy-chomp or whatever, and that is OKAY.
So, let’s just attack these in order of release, shall we? 🦈
The Meg (2018)
First of all, I want to say that in spite of itself, The Meg was fun. But based on my understanding of the novel it is based on (Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror by Steve Alten – part of a WHOLE SERIES OF BOOKS), which I own but have yet to read (hanging my head in shame at the size of my tbr) – this is probably not the film we deserved. It seems like the books do a lot more with, you know, the shark. And maybe lean a little more in the direction of the shark killing people in a variety of fun ways – I’ve heard it described as Michael Chricton-esque. Which The Meg most definitely is not. The Meg is a story about people and big-business-bullshittery. It’s way less about a big-ass shark chomping down on some people in increasingly fun and ludicrous ways.
So, although The Meg is a fun, blockbuster-type action movie (and there’s nothing wrong with that), if you go in expecting a movie about a giant shark wreaking havoc on some shit, you’re probably going to be disappointed. It kind of feels like they took a monster-sized murder shark movie and tried to make it family-friendly. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what happened, in fact.
So, it’s a lot of fun, but not in a killer-shark way. More in a spectacle way.
The Black Demon (2023)
So, The Black Demon is where I’m going to start yelling really hard about how we deserved better. This movie SAW that The Meg had left audiences wanting a movie that really highlighted the murder-shark aspect of the Tale of the Megalodon. And they claimed to be answering it. But let it be said: I cannot sit through this movie. It is so unbelievably boring and not particularly well shot or acted, in my opinion. I know all that stuff is to a certain degree in the eye of the beholder, but…holy shit. I think I got 20 minutes deep, and only with extreme effort. And that sucks. Because I was really excited for this one. In that 20 minutes I managed to slog through, I’m pretty sure only one person got killed. And he was gently plucked from an inflatable raft by the Megalodon. Who somehow managed to accomplish this without so much as a single wave being created, thus leaving the man’s companion completely stymied as to where his friend might have wandered off to in the middle of the ocean.
I would have been happy if I could just have sat through this entire thing. I wasn’t expecting miracles. Just plenty of gore via shocking kills and a semi-competent storyline. I got neither.
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
I was excited for Meg 2. And once again, I was burned by her. Although only a little. This movie is intensely stupid, but just like its predecessor, it’s actually a lot of fun. You’ve got the same basic characters, the same basic premise, the same lack of interesting kills and/or gore. But again, they’ve at least managed to make a summer blockbuster-type spectacle of the thing. Yet again, I wish we could have gone for an R-rating, but…whatever. At least you get to see a bunch of idiots doing spectacularly stupid things. So, there’s that.
I don’t know, folks. I wish I had the knowledge, talent, and money to make a movie about a Megalodon. Because if there is one thing that the last five years has taught me, it’s that if you want it done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. So I guess that means I’ll never get the Megalodon movie of my dreams (which I’m pretty sure is just Poseidon Rex, but with a Megalodon instead of the…Poseidon Rex).
Just out of curiosity, have you seen any of these movies? What are your thoughts?
Also- quick reminder:
This creature feature giveaway is still ongoing. Enter to win a 100% free book about a human-sized monster killing all the things in increasingly horrible ways!
