Thanksgiving – Another Horror Holiday Watch List

Let’s put away, for a moment, the problematic history of American Thanksgiving (but by all means, tackle that problematic history to your heart’s content among your chosen T-day group, please – dialogue is good, and it’s healthy, and it’s important to understand and be able to discuss difficult topics like the past ongoing mistreatment of America’s indigenous people) and let’s just pretend that it’s all about 3 things – eating poultry, feeling thankful, and watching actors die horribly for our own entertainment. Thanksgiving Horror is a thing that should definitely exist…

Let’s do this because I’ve ever so carefully curated a list of poultry- or Thanksgiving-themed scaries for you!

Thankskilling & Thankskilling 3 (2009 & 2012)

This is actually a duo, although I can only vouch for the first one. It was made for next to nothing, which in and of itself makes it worth watching in my opinion. It’s amazing what a filmmaker can accomplish with a go-getter attitude.

The first movie is the story of a necromancy-turkey created by an angry shaman who was done wrong by pilgrims. He appears every 505 years to kill any and all caucasians. No way that story can go awry, am I right? I mean, vengeance movies are great, especially when the vengeance is righteous, but…a Necromantic Vengeance Turkey named Turkie?

You may find yourself wondering, “Did she forget about Thankskilling 2?” Well don’t worry your pretty little head – I sure didn’t. Thankskilling 2 doesn’t actually exist – it was made to suit the premise of Thankskilling 3 – which is really the second, but is about Turkie trying to hunt down the last copy of Thankskilling 2 – did you get all that?

But look at that poster! Is it just me, or would you watch that in a heartbeat? Turkeys in space?! And that tagline! Be still my heart!

So, I can’t in good conscience say that the first one is a good movie, but I do feel like anyone who digs on seasonally appropriate horror should see it at least once. And now that I’ve said that, I pretty much have to see 3. But really, seasonal horror is a pretty barren hellscape, so beggars can’t be choosers. And that first one at least has its moments.

And I just IMDB’d the premise for 3, so I’ll leave you with that:

Fowl-mouthed villain Turkie carves through the likes of a rapping grandma, a mindless puppet, a wig-wearing inventor, a bisexual space worm, and their equally ridiculous friends on his quest to recover the last copy of “ThanksKilling 2”.

IMDB – Thankskilling 3

I bet you’re just dying to watch them, right? Well, you can rent them from YouTube, and I’m sure all the other rental platforms as well. And I’d just bet they’re out there for free on some service or another.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

Alright, another silly one. This one isn’t actually Thanksgiving-specific, but it does again deal with exploitation and abuse of Natives, and their spirits seeking vengeance by turning people into chicken-zombies. There are also the millions of angry, slaughtered chicken spirits. Seriously. Does this sound like a Troma film to you? Because it actually is.

But anyway, the story is basic – The American Chicken Bunker, a Jersey-based fast food restaurant is built on an ancient burial ground, and the spirits are justifiably angry at the desecration of their resting place.

If Troma is your thing, you’ve probably either seen this movie, or you’ll see it and love it. It’s got all the schlock that Lloyd Kaufman and company are known for. If you’ve never done Troma before, I don’t suggest you start here though – go for something a little gentler, like The Toxic Avenger.

Cooties (2014)

Cooties is going to have (by far) the most production bang for your buck on this list. It is a SpectreVision film, which to me at least, is some indicator of quality. And it’s got one hell of a cast.

The premise is that tainted chicken nuggets have turned children into killer zombies. And I have a HUGE weakness for killer kid stories (I have a deep-seated distrust of children IRL), and in spite of the heavy doses of humor, this one doesn’t pull any punches – those little fuckers are scary!

I have seen this one a bunch of times. We saw it in the theater, we own it now, and we watch it with some regularity. Everyone is wonderful, but Elijah Wood and Nasim Pedrad are the real standouts for me. If you haven’t seen this one, I highly recommend it. It’s the reason I can no longer say “dual rear wheel” correctly.

Blood Freak (1972)

I don’t honestly think I need to say anything about this one. You should seek it out based solely on that amazing cover. But, in case you require persuasion, let me school you.

A biker tries to help a girl with a flat tire and ends up being turned into a turkey-monster by her mad scientist father. A turkey-monster with an appetite for druggie blood! Haven’t you always wanted a turkey-based horror that slaps you repeatedly in the face with its pro-religion, anti-drug message??

You’re completely sold, aren’t you? It’s basically a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode waiting to happen (and yet, as far as I know, it somehow hasn’t). You can usually find this one online/on apps if you’re willing to do a little legwork.

Why can an earnest poultry-themed movie not be found?!

Blood Rage (1987)

Somebody gets an axe to the face at the drive-in, and young Todd ends up institutionalized because of it, while his identical twin, Terry remains free. But was it really Todd, or could it have been Terry the whole time? Who knows? They’re twins, so…I feel like the 80’s really went all out on the whole twins/which one did the bad crime thing storyline for a while. So, ummm…was it Todd? Was it Terry? After 10 years in an institution/subsequent daring Thanksgiving day escape and sudden killing spree in the Todd/Terry family neighborhood, does it really matter anymore?

Either way, the family (minus Todd, who they have no reason not to think is still in the institution) has gathered for their Thanksgiving feast when the blood rage begins. There’s blood, there’s rage, there’s turkey.

Arrow video put out a 3-disc director approved edition on dual format dvd/blu ray that has a shitload of special features including 3 DIFFERENT CUTS OF THE FILM, but if you’re not ready to commit, I understand. If you’d rather watch it without committing to the $40 price tag, you can find it on Shudder, or any of the online rental places.

But for the record – there’s blood, there’s sex, there’s severed heads (and assorted other body parts), there’s Ted Raimi. It’ll be fun!

“The turkey is perfect.”

Home Sweet Home (1981)

An escaped mental patient steals a station wagon and makes his way to the Bradleys’ Thanksgiving celebration for some reason. The only reason to be found is because he just wants to kill them all for some reason. Did he end up there by accident? I don’t think so – he seemed to have a destination in mind. But maybe not – who knows.

Home sweet home is thoroughly from the era of slashers that didn’t think they needed any discernible storyline. But you know what? It kinda doesn’t need one. This movie is just fine with its unexplored plot.

But let’s explore the cast for just a moment. Are you at least 30 years of age? Did you watch a lot of infomercials when you were younger? Then you’re gonna love this: our killer is BODY BY JAKE (by which I mean Jake Steinfeld, who, in his defense, is actually an actor – from such films as Coming to America and Ratatouille).

And he looks pretty serious, right? I mean, I’d be pretty scared of him…

Story aside though, this movie actually has some pretty great moments. But only moments. Honestly, it never really moves beyond “it’s fine,” territory. Although it does have this silly motherfucker, who is either a mime or a KISS fan – I’m not really sure.

The guitar suggests KISS, but that face paint is all French Mime, so really, it’s kind of anybody’s guess. And that shirt – I don’t even know what to say about it. Screen printed chains… Yep.

It’s straight slash-trash, but it’s fun enough. And the Body by Jake as escaped mental pateint thing is kind of funny. But, unlike the rest of the list (excepting Blood Freak, in which case I have no real idea what they were going for), it isn’t trying to be funny. It intended to be a real, scary slasher movie.