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Written and Directed by: Renaud Gauthier
Starring: Nicolas Fontaine, Brittany Drisdelle
I was sort of excited to watch Aquaslash based on the one preview I had seen one time a whole mess of forever ago. I mean, there was a particularly gruesome and creative kill right there in the trailer – so I expected a god damned bloodbath. A really fun, hilariously over-the-top uber-violent bloodbath.
Well, I was sorely disappointed. Aquaslash is not, in fact, a bloodbath. Even though there is an almost literal blood bath at one point. But this is a 71 minute movie, with only about 8 of those minutes were devoted to slash. Otherwise it’s all aqua, cocaine, and bizarrely delivered dialogue.
Did I expect too much? Perhaps. But here’s the thing: I didn’t hate it. Yes, I was disappointed that for all the thin story, flat characters, and weird dialogue there wasn’t about 300% more slashing in this slasher, but…It’s set at a waterpark, for fuck’s sake! I mean…come on. Who does that? (apparently Renaud Gauthier, that’s who)
This movie skates by on sheer ballsy weirdness.
I don’t know how many times during the hour before anything interesting happened I found myself muttering that somebody better start losing some limbs real fuckin’ quick-like. But still, after the whole thing was said and done, I kind of enjoyed the ride. It all paid off in the last handful of minutes.
Would I watch Aquaslash again? Fuck no. But I’m not unhappy about having watched it for the first time. The kills, when they actually happen, are loads of fun. They’re also surprisingly gory. The story is very 1980s in its high level of, “I’m sorry, but fucking what?” And let’s be honest – everyone likes watching beautiful teenagers bite it spectacularly. And there is not a student among the graduating class that isn’t model-beautiful (which is both annoying and unrealistic as all hell).
I promise you one thing though. Well, okay, two things. You’re going to enjoy what on-camera murderous shenanigans you get (there are some pretty rad effects, actually), and when you get to the scene at the end where they pan out and show the whole pool, you’re going to laugh out loud at the absurdity of the scene, and the fact that there’s some shit in there that probably shouldn’t have made it into the movie.
Oh well – I had to break my perfect record of picking incredibly good new movies sight-unseen at some point, right?
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